It can be difficult to know how to help someone with their emotions after a stroke. It can also be difficult when someone close to you starts to behave differently, especially if they’re being aggressive or behaving inappropriately. Here are some tips to help you.
Helping someone with their emotions after stroke
Talk to each other
Sometimes it’s hard for people to talk about their feelings, even with someone close. Let them know you’re willing to listen and ask how you can help. Sometimes there will not be anything you can do, which can be tough. But just being there for them, and encouraging them to seek help if they need to, is often all it takes.
Spend some time with them
Coping with the effects of stroke can make people feel very lonely. Simply spending some time with them can really help. Even a short phone call will show them you’re thinking about them if you can’t visit regularly.
A weekly phone conversation with one of our trained volunteers can also provide support with their recovery journey.
Support their independence
It’s normal to want to do as much as possible for someone. But it’s better if you support them to do things on their own, rather than do it all for them. Encourage them to give things a go. They may think they can’t do something, but often they’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Help them stay active
Being physically active helps lift our mood, so encourage your friend or family member to do whatever they can. It can help to do it together. If they can’t get up and about, there may be chair-based exercises and they’re likely to have rehabilitation exercises to practise if they’re having physiotherapy.
Be patient
It takes time for things to improve, so be patient. This isn’t always easy, especially when you’re coming to terms with everything as well. Make sure you look after yourself too and have someone to talk to.
Find ways to get support with your caring role or call our Stroke Support Helpline.
Tips if you live apart
Even if you live apart, there are things you can do to help ease someone’s loneliness following a stroke.
- Keep in touch as much as you are able. A regular phone call to check on their wellbeing will make a difference. Ask the person how they are feeling and what they are going through. Offer any support you can – sometimes just listening can help.
- Send messages and photos by email and messaging apps. You can talk face-to-face using video calls on apps (such as FaceTime, WhatsApp, Skype and Zoom) too. Our guides to video-calling are useful for everyone, and they're particularly helpful for people with aphasia.
- You can also play simple games together via video messaging too, for example, Yahtzee, Pictionary and Charades.
- If they do not have access to the internet, write a short letter or a card or send photos in the post instead. Ask other friends or family members to do the same.
- If you have children in your family or friendship group, get them involved by asking them to design a card or draw a picture too.
- Remember to be patient. Not all stroke effects are easy to see, and some stroke survivors might be feeling low or anxious, especially at this time. Other things like fatigue and communication problems might be making them feel even more vulnerable, overwhelmed and cut off.
Coping with someone’s behaviour after stroke
Talk about it in the right way
If your friend or family member is behaving in a way that upsets you, you have a right to tell them. But be careful not to make them feel they are the problem. Keep your focus on their behaviour and how it makes you feel. You could say “it upsets me when you shout” rather than “you’re always upsetting me”.
Don’t do it all on your own
Get as much support as you can. Contact your GP surgery to find out about support in your area. Talking to a therapist or counsellor may help you come to terms with the changes.
You can also call our Stroke Support Helpline if you need someone to talk to, or need help finding support.
Be patient
Apathy can be very difficult to deal with. It can feel as if your friend or family member has completely changed. But remember, they’re still the same person and it’s likely to get better with time. Having a regular routine can help. You could try encouraging them to plan their days and start and finish activities.
Listen
Sometimes, people can become angry because they feel ignored or not in control. Make sure you listen to the person and involve them in decisions. For example, even if they can’t make their own lunch, they may still want to choose what they eat.
Do not put yourself at risk
It’s essential you look after your own safety. Don’t feel bad about walking away if you need to. Just because someone has had a stroke, it doesn’t give them the right to hurt you.
If the person becomes verbally or physically aggressive, try not to raise your voice. It will not help if you become angry too. Leave them alone until they’ve calmed down. If you are in immediate danger, call 999.
Explain what's acceptable and what's not
If your friend or family member is acting inappropriately, make it clear their behaviour is not acceptable. Be firm but supportive – remember they will not be doing it deliberately. Praise them when they do act in the right way.
Get everyone on board
Being consistent is important. Talk to other friends, family members and carers, to ensure they deal with inappropriate behaviour in the same way. It can help to get the message across if everyone says the same thing.
Be willing to compromise
Just because the person’s behaviour has changed, it doesn’t automatically make it wrong. It may be a result of their stroke and they may not be able to control these behaviours. Seek support with understanding why this can happen and with ways to manage it. Talk honestly about it with them and find a compromise you’re both comfortable with.
Stroke Support Helpline
Our Stroke Support Helpline offers information and support for anyone affected by stroke, including family, friends and carers. The Helpline can give you information and support on any aspect of stroke.
- Call us on 0303 3033 100
- Textphone 18001 0303 3033 100
- Email helpline@stroke.org.uk