Just as stroke can cause changes to emotions and behaviour which can affect intimate relationships, issues with relationships can also cause emotional difficulties. Understand why this happens and some things which may help.
How can emotional changes after stroke affect sex and relationships?
Many people feel low or anxious after a stroke. This can make you feel as if you have lost interest in sex. If you’re having difficulties with sex and relationships, this may also lead to emotional problems.
Stroke can change your life in many ways. Perhaps you feel you’ve lost your independence, or that your relationships with people you’re close to are not the same as before. You might also feel differently about yourself and your body image, lose confidence, or have worries about having sex.
A stroke can damage parts of the brain linked to emotions and lead to problems with controlling mood and emotions. This is called emotionalism. It can mean your mood changes very quickly and you may find that you cry or laugh more. This can feel embarrassing or upsetting. Psychological assessment and care should be provided by your stroke team.
How can behavioural changes after stroke affect sex and relationships?
Some people may seem angry or irritable after stroke, which can put a strain on relationships. Others find they become more sexual or lose inhibitions after a stroke. They might behave and talk differently, such as talking to someone about sex when it’s not appropriate.
If people close to you say they’re worried about your behaviour, try to be open to what they say. Remember they care about you. It could be difficult to talk about for both of you, but it can help to discuss ways of dealing with it.
Help with emotional and behavioural changes
Get help with low mood or depression
If you’re feeling low or depressed, your GP can refer you to services such as talking therapies and cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT). In some areas, you may be able to refer yourself. Talking therapy gives you time and space to talk about difficult feelings with a trained therapist.
Your GP can discuss whether anti-depressant medication may be a suitable option for you. Some medications can cause side effects such as loss of interest in sex or problems getting an erection. But you may be able to try different types to find what works best for you. Tell your GP or pharmacist if you experience any problems. Do not use over-the-counter or herbal remedies without speaking to your pharmacist, as they can cause adverse reactions with other medication.
Reduce anxiety about sex
Few people feel like having sex when they are tense and anxious, so it’s worth giving yourself time to get in the mood beforehand. Choose a time when you and your partner are both relaxed and can be sure you will not be interrupted. Showing affection to each other is important. Every couple has their own way of doing it, but you could try hugs, running a bath for your partner or simply giving them a compliment.
Above all, remember sex is not a performance. It does not always happen perfectly every time. Remember there are various ways to express your feelings and be close to another person.
You can take your time and start slowly. You could begin by getting to know your partner physically again without attempting to reach orgasm. Many people get pleasure from touching, kissing, cuddling and massage. It may take time to find out what feels comfortable, possible and right for you after a stroke.
You might feel as if a lot has changed about you and your body. Masturbation can help you learn about how your body now responds to sexual feelings. You can do it by yourself or with a partner. It can be just as fulfilling as other kinds of sexual activity.